Monday, 11 November 2013

I Have Confidence In...Um...

This Saturday, I set my alarm for 6 in the morning, so that my dear friend and I could get an early start on our trip to Seattle. I slept until 6:30 since I hadn't bothered taking my alarm of the "Weekdays" setting. Duh. But I did a quick make up job, and we were out the door and officially on our road trip...or BRO-ad trip. Like in a BRO kinda way. Because we're like bros. Bro-ad trip.*


Seattle is a couple hours away and two girls can only sing so many Disney songs in a we got to talking, mostly about our careers, how to make hair do's happen (I still don't know) and about boys, obviously. But mostly, we just talked about our careers. My pal is an actress as well, we share that in common, as well as our fear of authority and getting in trouble. And our love of Disney princess things. And our sweet tooths. And many, many other things - but I digress. But what I discovered on this trip that we differ on, is that she possesses a little thing called confidence. And I do not...not so much, anyways.

I listened to her talk about her successes - and her failures - and her occasional confusion as to why particular failures hadn't been successes. And it didn't make me cringe, nor did I didn't get uncomfortable. I certainly didn't ever feel listening to her, the way I usually do every time Kanye talks about himself.** There wasn't anything cocky or untruthful or misguided about what she was saying - she just knew her strengths and she wasn't ashamed to talk about them unabashedly.

Now, I've definitely felt good about things I've accomplished, and felt satisfied with work I've done, but as she pointed out to me, I've never projected that when taking compliments. I have a hard time taking people's words at face value, and I tend to think that they are blowing smoke up...a certain area. I'm going to go ahead and blame this on my failed romantic relationships...and the men who...failed at them. Now that may or may not having anything to do with my current confidence issues, but doesn't everything feel better when you can blame it on an ex? Or better yet...all your exes?

I Have Confidence from Sound of Music

The point is, I think not being able to stand up and say, "I'm an actress. I'm good at what I do. And if I keep working hard and showing up, I deserve to have an awesome career" is actually starting to hinder my work. And the worst part of acknowledging it, is that now I have to do something about. Starting with the "if I keep working hard and showing up" bit. I know I feel better about my work when I'm in class and strengthening my craft, and I know having something solid to work on that isn't all about acting can help me feel a little less desperate about my career. So, for myself and for all of you feeling the same way, there's no time like the second week of November to make a move and do what you have to do get your head in the game, and to start to believe in yourself! GO have confidence in sunshine! GO have confidence in rain! GO...maybe just go revisit your Sound of Music soundtrack for a less lame version of "I Have Confidence". Just don't go all Kanye on me, k?***

*This became even MORE clever to me when I typed it out...because we're not really like bros...because we're ladies. Or broads. Like broad-trip. You know what, nevermind.

**OH BURN!!! ...Yeah, I went there.

***SNAP! Yeah...I went there...TWICE.